I awake in my light pink night gown… WHAT this ain’t no night gown that my grandmother would wear. It’s sheer pink. Perhaps I should have wrote I awake in my sheer pink neglige. Lilly would be proud! I recall sending her a picture of it the day I bought it and threw my hatred away.
After my message last night, I did some domestic work. I so can’t wait until my extra hands arrive, I don’t mind the work, it humbles me but it keeps me from my real work. Raphael has 8 hands, I look up to him.
I send 20 messages while folding clothes. Did I mention I have wings on my sneakers? A lot of good that does me. My power to fly has been suspended.
I am grounded.
Earlier today I scanned the local paper on my handheld. I received a feeling that Jophiel had fallen. I sent him a message on my street walk the other night, but he has not responded to my messages now since before the last Feast Day. He is unreachable.
I picked up the landline to get word from the network. I will hear back on Monday. I should have known when I stopped by the ларек last month and Trifle told me 3 rows had been stolen from his harvest. I was too busy worrying about the material world and my desires. This part of the brigade is weak, I will need to build up the network. I will do so when my hands arrive.
I do hope he is holding on to the last rung, I can at least help him there. If he falls, he will never come back, he will expire. The thing about the ladder is you can only reach down 3 rungs, I don’t make the rules, I just follow them… well these rules anyways, there is no other way.
Before I close my eyes, I see my brother’s sin.
How could I have known.
How could I not have known.
It happened when he landed in America.
I understand it well, I share the same sin. He is my twin. We are one of the same but not the same. Actually, I am 12 minutes older which is why I have earnestly tried to protect and deflect his misfortunes since he landed in my territory. Until he forgives himself, ironically he calls this misfortune to himself. Given his day job, he should know this.
I wish I could take his pain away. But I cannot.
Suddenly I have more compassion and understanding. I absolve to stick to my strategy and hold out for the gold, silver is not working and can never be converted to gold.
I am reminded of my grandfather, that little icon spinning and spinning… he saying, “Диявол любить ховатися за хреста.” At this moment I understand these words well.
I am blessed to know God, he has such a great sense of humour. Here stands the cross and the devil.
My network is not strong enough for this battle … yet.
Jophiel… I could not reach him… he fell to far down the ladder. That’s how the ladder works we can only reach back 3 rungs and then we must rely on our network. It is why I have not completely lost touch with John Doe, I try to hit him where it hurts so he can deal with the old wounds. I prayed faithfully for 4 years for him to come to me, I am so close I cannot lose him now.
It would be like loosing a brother.
It would be loosing a brother. This I could not bear.
Hence the reason why it is important to foster a good network, you never know who the strong climbers will be.
I knew Jophiel in both lives. My heart floods back with the memories we had when we were studying to be great ones. Our first adventure involved the garage sale across the street. We filled up a pretty gift bag with all the rotten food and scraps we could find in the fridge. There were many as during our schooling we hardly ate at home.
We took it over to the garage sale and left it there. We watched anxiously from across the court yard. We returned the next day. We were caught red handed, they had a video of the sale or so they said. I retreated and left him to deal with the heat.
I will never forget this adventure. Lesson learned, one person’s garbage is not another person’s treasure… haa haa.
I will fight to avenge his death and our honour.
So much to do … so little time. A desk full of paperwork piling up high… where to start?