Portrait

I drive by. I need water and am worried about him.

The fence is closed, a sign on the door. I do not stop long enough to read the sign, I suspect it says, “Whoa is me .. бедные бедные”.

This feels like the kind of day I want to tire my children out with exercise, get high as a kite and fuck my husband real good.

This will have to remain a desire.  I confessed today to conquer my weaknesses.

I really want my wings back. I need my wings back.

He’s all about making love these days, so weird. He must have fallen on his head or he misses me too. After all, I  am hard to live without.

I catch a fish without trying. Earlier today at Stefan’s house many are willing to jump in the boat, but I am choosy. I will leave these for my husband, they need an alignment and he is the fixer. I counted 5, I must remember to guide him this way but my head is full these days.

I only tempted a man once, a Frenchman … as if they need tempting.  I lost my wings, I will never do that again. I wish  my brother knew that.

I go to the grocery store, the house is empty. On the way  home I meet my husband on the  road.  He is hungry and empty handed. A lesson has been learned and he will not hunt on the  Lord’s day again.  Bonus,  не нада  кричать. Silence really is golden.

The asian delayed, I will have to wait 2 weeks  for the cure. The asians used to be my peak performers, now they are slipping. I will have to wait 5 years for my trip to China to straighten things out.

2:22, we arrive home.  We eat, unclothe and rest.

Time to put another portrait on the mantle and our photo session is at 5:00.

I hope to put this  portrait next to my grandfather’s. I hear him saying to me, “Бог шукає тих, хто приходить до  Нього”.  Order is starting to be restored, this portrait will remind me of this when weakness ensues.

Continuing the adventure… yours <3 Jane Dundee

 

Words are silver, silence is gold

Today I was reminded of a saying from an old language … from my grandfather’s time.

I miss my grandfather dearly, I have been praying relentlessly to him these days.

Alas! Yesterday, it paid off. I  was  unexpectedly  reunited with my mother and uncle.

Truly a blessing. My heart opened. I have missed them dearly, also.

Perhaps it is I who has closed my heart. Could it be?

Knock Knock

Who’s there?
Heart!
Heart who?
Heart who hear you, speak louder!

I miss my husband dearly. Has he forgotten me? My heart aches for my brother but yearns for my husband.

In the old language … В каламутній воді легко рибу ловити, I close my eyes and remember him.

I know it really well. It is my first language.

I choose not to use it. I have chosen to bury it, to bury it deep.  It makes my heart sick, it makes my heart ache.

I yearn for the days past as much as I welcome the days forward.

I yearn for the connection that was lost in the generations that came from the fall.

I have decided to stop playing with the lesser currency and await the golden days ahead. I shall do so quietly, meekly and faithfully.

Сло́во — се́ребро, молча́ние — зо́лото

jonah

Continuing the adventure … yours <3 Jane Dundee

 

Silk Matters

As I sat in the rusty colored booth with my once pristine silk shirt, I anxiously opened up my fortune cookie. Who actually believed in these things anyway? Oh yeah, I did.

I cracked the cookie and there laid the words, “Be tactful: what goes around comes around.” Interesting, … I thought and that was it. My friend had called yesterday and asked me for lunch, busy but willing to squeeze in the time given the urgency of her voice. We agreed to meet at the Thai Box which was just across the street from my office. I listened to her intently, though admittedly I was preoccupied wondering if the stains would come out of my $300 silk shirt and whether I was to start looking for a new job though I had just started one, what a bizaare morning. Okay, so maybe the shirt didn’t cost me $300 but it was at one time listed at that much when I bought it for $50 at the second hand store. My mind wandered to my friend Lilli … she had helped me pick out the shirt, where was she, what was she doing…. would she be disappointed I had ruined the shirt?

Focus, Sue is telling you some heart felt information on the choice she made given the difficult decision she had in front of her. To stay in this country and build up a career or to go back to her home country and support her husband. Why was I so stupid to think I could master chop sticks again after so little practice. Urgh, the reason for the stains on my shirt. The decision was made Sue would rent her house and return to China. If things were to go as planned with her husband in a few years they would land in America. Apparently her grandmother’s trip to Canada was what as needed to help move her decision along.

I couldn’t help wondering through our discussions over the past year whether I had helped or hindered her, $5000 hardly seems worth the lesson she endured, but the best lessons in life come from experience. You see I actively recruited Sue to come work for the company I was at, the bonus system in place was set up that I would receive 2500 if she stayed for 6 months and 2500 if she stayed for a year. I stayed at the company just long enough to collect the bonus and then left. What a mirage. I honestly could not believe after working there for 1 year how the management style and culture was so far from what I was promised and lead to believe.

Sue worked hard, she worked more hours than any other person I knew there. She took at pay cut to come work there for the promises made to her. She had her first baby when she started and even brought her mother and father in law to Canada to help her so she could work more.

I felt responsible for the imbalance in her personal life. Sure I got $5000 bonus, but I took responsibility for looking out for her and as adults people have there own choices. When I left the company, I made the call to try to get her in touch with a competitor thinking the atmosphere would be better.

This is why we were meeting today, she wanted to tell me that she pursued the opportunity with the competitor company, but in the end had decided to pursue a family life and was hopeful of the things that would bring.

As I walked back to my office, it occurred to me the message in the fortune cookie. Yesterday, a bizarre string of emails went back and forth after I sent my draft report for review to a few people in the department. It was my first assignment I had in the 2 weeks I was there and did not anticipate what followed. Basically, I was caught in the middle of a territory war between my boss and another senior official. Prior to going for lunch with Sue, my boss and I met, she was sorry for recruiting me from another company and due to the recent events suggested I apply for different jobs, she offered to help me find one.

Great, just when I start to get in a groove … and then the cookie. I did the same thing with Sue, I actively recruited her and even thought it didn’t turn out I watched out for her. Truly, what goes around comes around. I was saved. Let’s hope my shirt is to0!